


Does your mother know?

by scrabel48



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Coming Out, Eating Disorders, Gay Sirius Black, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sirius Black & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Sirius Black Needs a Hug, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:41:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29679966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrabel48/pseuds/scrabel48
Summary: When Sirius runs away he's found by one Lily Evans.
Relationships: Sirius Black & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi y 'all. I hope your going to like what is to come. It's mainly all written so their will be fairly consistent updates. Thanks for reading!

At this point, Sirius had taken so much damage he couldn't even feel pain. It was all numb to him, insignificant, and pointless. His mother could have been giving him a tender hug and he would care less. Each hex she flung, each shriek she made, calling him a disgrace, was just another injury added to a long, long, list. Each cut would have to get in line, to figure out where the pain would be next. There was a definite lag in his nerves, his brain couldn’t seem to catch up to the rest of the world. “A DISGRACE TO THE HOUSE OF BLACK!” His mother was screaming. His father's stern face was constricted in rage, though he didn’t move. He stood still and solemnly observed.  
That was the thing about his parents, his mother had a horrible temper. She was an unruly beast, the worst of the bunch, but she couldn’t stay mad for long. She would burn herself out, get bored of his taints, and leave him to rot in the pain she had inflicted. His father, however, was different. He was calculated and precise, psychological warfare as one could call it. Nothing could scare him. However, nothing they said could match the pain of the past month, no curse could match the pure, excruciating break in his heart as when James’ knuckles had connected with his face, the first time his friend's turbulent anger had been directed at him and not an opposing party. And Remus' face... No, he couldn’t even think about that. But you deserve to think that, you deserve to feel that pain, a voice in his head taunted as he knelt on the ground, a metallic taste seeping into his mouth. Maybe he did deserve that pain, maybe he deserved all of this, but not for the reasons his parents thought.  
“That stunt, the media, have you no shame?” his mother huffed. Sirius glanced to the side and made eye contact with his brother, his best friend growing up, turned enemy with age. At the look of indifference on Regulus's face, he lost it. He longed to see fury on his brother's face, he longed for a fire to be burning in his eyes, for him to scream, to yell about how Sirius betrayed the family, to shriek about Sirius’s utter lack of respect for anything pure, but instead he looked as though he didn’t give a shit. A flashing purple light reflected in those grey irises as his mother flung another curse, but he made no movement. No emotion lay beneath that cold exterior. Sirius wanted to believe it was still there, but each moment that passed when Regulus acted like this, each moment when he showed no sign of remorse, or joy, or smugness, Sirius felt his heart ache. Because even if Regulus hated him it meant he felt something. It meant he thought of Sirius, that he held emotions for him. It meant that Sirius occupied some space in his brother's mind.  
The opposite of love was not hate. Hate meant you still had emotions for them. The opposite of love is indifference, and that’s just what was on Regulus’ face as he looked down at his brother. Sirius let out a laugh. A harsh, humourless laugh that he only let escape his tongue when he had nothing else to do. The laugh he had giggled to himself when he was five years old, terrified of his parents once they had shown their first sign of their hate for him.  
“But what have the mudbloods really done to us?” Sirius had asked earnestly. He couldn't understand his parents' hatred towards them, “Why do we hate them more than other wizards?” They had told him how horrible mudbloods were, but never what they’d actually done wrong. He had laughed then, just as he did now.  
“YOU DARE LAUGH AT ME?” His mother shrieked, louder and more ruthless than before, she was sweating and gasping for air, but she continued nonetheless. “After all we’ve done for you? After the protection your name has given you even through your terribly misguided antics, you wish to disrespect me once more?” Sirius couldn’t help it though, he continued to laugh, he continued to shake and convulse even as the bellows he let out hurt his stomach more than the cuts and bruises covering every inch of his skin. “CRUCIO!” his mother screamed, rage flaring in her tone, “CRUCIO, CRUCIO, CRUCIO!” Sirius tensed and pain seared through his body once more. He was so used to it at this point that he just waited, and waited, and waited, until eventually, it subsided.  
His mother’s taut face was red and puffy. Her eyes had a fire beghin them, churning in the irises, crackling under the weight of her curses. She looked evil, and for the first time in Sirius’s life, he truly understood what his family was capable of. His second out of body relizaton in the last month. This was getting out of hand. He was now splayed on the floor, arms and legs bent at odd angles, but he felt something jabbing into his back. A familiar wooden stick, one he had held in his hands so many times during lessons, and while pulling his infamous pranks. “Walburga, maybe you should give the boy a break, you wouldn’t want aurors bursting into the room in the next few minutes.” His father's tone was calm, but a worry line creased his forehead. “Let them try'' Walburga laughed humorously, “What can they possibly do to us?” But Sirius wasn't prepared to hear the answer, he had moved his hand underneath his spine, to grasp the cedar wand that lay beneath him, and with one swift motion, he cast the spell.  
He felt the tug of his breath in his lungs, the twisting feeling he felt each time he had been dragged along by his parents. He had no formal training, but he was positive he had done side along apparition enough to know how to master the art. Besides, even if he splinched himself out of existence it wouldn't matter, he had nothing left to say on this earth for anyway. He took one last look at his brother, confusion spreading across his face, as he realized what Sirius had done. Before Regulus could stop him, Sirius escaped into darkness, no real direction in mind. Away was the only thing he could think of, as a distinct crack sounded around him. 

-

Sirius felt the pain instantly as he left the never ending darkness. His left leg burned, his right arm throbbed. He stumbled, trying to regain his balance, but it was pointless. He was laying in dirt within five seconds. Or was it concrete? Sirius couldn’t tell. Keep your eyes open the survivalist inside urged him. Go to sleep, said the brain he most often listened to. He let his eyes flutter shut and he lost the last bit of consciousness he had managed to regain.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily's not having a good summer.

Lily was not having the most exciting Summer break so far. Granted it had only been a week, but so far all she had done was avoid things. She avoided her moms constant questioning if she was ok. She couldn’t stand it. She avoided her sister, carefully planning her every action to make sure they made the least amount of contact possible. Every minute she didn’t have to sit under her sister's insistent stare was for the better. But most importantly, she avoided Severus.  
She’d seen him creeping around town, often taking walks up and down her street, craning his neck to check if she was still tucked away at home. The answer was yes obviously, she had not left her room all week. She longed to get outside and enjoy the summer with her friends, but unfortunately her friends were scattered across Great Britain, and she couldn't see how she could be comfortable outside when she couldn't even stand the tension at the dinner table. The thing was, she was becoming incredibly bored. She had read through every magazine she had tucked under her bed, started her summer homework, and even started working her way through a collection of classical literature her grandmother had given her when she had decided she was going to be staying to help her mother out this summer, though she had to admit they were incredibly dull. She had even written letters to every friend she could think of at Hogwarts, and was anxiously waiting for their replies, though obviously they all had much more important things to do then wallow away waiting for Lily's owl to knock at their window.  
She’d even considered writing Potter, and for a moment she was tempted. He'd no doubt reply in a matter of minutes, and he might even have a few interesting things to say, but by god she wasn’t that desperate. Each time she thought of him, her blood still boiled, the prank on Severus a few weeks back had been the final straw. “It’s not like they haven’t done worse,” Mary had argued as she stormed back into the castle after telling him off, “Why are you so bent out of shape?” “I’m not'' Lily had snapped, and Mary had dropped it. She had been ready to explode at that point though. Potter could have simply breathed in her direction and she may have hexed him. The stress of exams, prefect duties ramping up, and her strained relationship with Severus becoming more strained as the days went on had suddenly all hit her all at once, and she had let her rightful fury onto Potter and Black. Although, she supposed it hadn't been completely their fault. They pulled pranks like that all the time. If she was being completely honest with herself, she took some joy in watching Severus be dealt what he liked to deal others, though she had defended him, because deep down she still cared, she cared so much.  
She stared angrily at the pen in her hand, since when did her life become so complicated? But before she could even fathom the question she heard a knock on the door. She spun in her chair away from her desk to see her mother poke her head through the door frame. The sparkling red hair of Margaret Evans was made even brighter as sunlight reflected off the paleness of Lily’s room walls. She had a stern look on her face which made lily’s insides turn. The last news her mother had given her had not been good. “Up for a walk?” her mom asked instead, opening the door completely now to reveal her joggers and trainers already on. Lilly groaned and leaned even further back in her chair, she made a wistful look through her window, watching the sun create purple strikes through the red clouds as it set on her lonely small town. “Come on” Lily’s mom encouraged her, following her eyes, “It’s as nice as it looks out there.” “Maybe tomorrow” Lily suggested, fiddling with the cuffs of her shirt. A thread had come loose in the 3 days she hadn't changed. “No time like the present” her mom tried cheerfully, earning a half shrug from Lily. The red haired girl seemed in no rush to leave the comfort of her nice, cool home. “Lily I’m worried about you sweety, you haven't been out of your room in days, some fresh air might do you some good” Concern now in her mom’s voice. “But-” Lily started, but her mum cut her off, “No buts my love, you're doing this.” her mother left her room after that, and the note of finality in her tone was enough to get Lily standing up to get changed.  
In ten minutes she was with her mom in the front foyer, sandals already stepped on her feet. She had put on jean shorts with a wide belt and replaced the dirty, frayed shirt for a fresh, clean tank top, right off her grannies ironing board. “Good” her mom clapped, delighted, before leading them out into the humid July air, “Just a quick stroll to the park yeah?” Lily nodded and followed suit with her mother's brisk pace. She let her mind wander as they strolled down street after street, forests surrounding the outskirts of each turn they took. In the distance she could still see the smoke billowing out of the concrete tower at the factory. The biggest job provider this town had to offer. Most men in this town worked there, from when they were fifteen until they retired. Her dad had even had a summer job there in his youth, though he had quit and decided to go to university instead. A smart descon if you asked Lily. The thought of her dad hurt, but for some reason thinking of him felt easier outside of her room.  
Perhaps her mother had been right in taking this walk. They continued until they reached the grassy football field. It was completely empty, except for a group of boys, perhaps her age, congregating by the back fence. “Let’s turn around” she whispered as she pulled on her mother’s floral top, “we’re at the football field.” “Oh just a tad bit more,” her mom replied cheerfully, “I like to touch the goal post each time, it gives me a little sense of accomplishment.” “Please mum” she pleaded. She knew it was irrational fear, but part of her thought Severus could be amongst the group of boys. He doesn't hang out with the muggles, the common sense part of her mind argued, but she was not in the mood to listen to it today. She did not have the strength to pretend evreything was good with Sev infront of her mother at the moment, and she most certainly could not have a fight with him. Her mom didn’t know about blood feuds, she didn't know about politics or the dark wizard who was rising up, or the threat her world was facing. She didn’t need to know these things, no good would come of it. “Don’t be silly Lilly, it’s 10 more meters.” Resigned, Lily moved forward, keeping her head down, though her fire truck red hair could be spotted from anywhere in the town. Not many people in Cokeworth seemed to have her passion for bright things. Suddenly, her mom stopped beside her. “What-“ Lily started but she had already laid eyes on her mother’s scare. A slumped figure was splayed under the farthest goal. A dark robe was hung loosely on a skinny boy, with black curled hair, seemingly askew. The boy's skin was pale, and Lily wasn’t sure he was breathing. “Oh dear god” her mum murmured, rushing forward. Lily followed suit and immediately saw the blood. Huge gashes were made in the torn fabric of his robe, as well as a pool forming at his feet. She tried not to gag at the mauled skin that appeared to be just barely hanging onto bone. “We need an ambulance,” Lily’s mother was muttering frantically, she knelt down and placed her fingers on the boy's neck, all while Lily remained frozen, fixated on the bruises. 

“I can’t tell if there's a heartbeat,” her words were growing more and more frantic with each sentence. She turned the boy on his side, and rested him face up as if she was about to start giving chest compression, and that's when Lily saw it. It was so badly disfigured she might not have recognized it if it weren't for the moon necklace he always wore, still hung loosely around his neck. But she was sure without a doubt, that this was the body of Sirius Balck laying in front of her. “Holy shit,” she said, astounded by the sight. Her mom looked like she was about to correct her language, but she must have noticed what Lily had just realized, the wooden stick laying by Black’s hand, a wand. His wand no doubt. “Do- do you know him?” her mom stuttered. All Lily could do was nod. “Why’s he here?” her mother seemed to think she knew the whereabouts of every wizard at Hogwarts. “I don’t know mom” she replied honestly. Her mom seemed to shake herself of her shock at this point and went back into mama bear mode, “Okay, Lily there's a pay phone two blocks from here, I need you to go call 911.” Lily nodded and accepted the coin from her mother, she sprinted off into the distance, wondering furiously what the hell Sirius Black of all people was doing in the middle of Coke’s worth. 

Lily did not get answers very fast. She and her mom had been wallowing in the hospital’s waiting room for hours, without any news of Sirius’s condition. They had been told to say everything they knew; that they’d found him alone in a field, bleeding out and barely breathing. Nobody seemed to be returning the favour. No news came their way. After returning with her fifth cup of tea of the night, she slumped back into the chair beside her mum, carefully suppressing a yawn she so desperately wanted to exhale.  
“So explain to me again how you know him?” Her mum inquired upon her return. Lily grimaced at the question, it had been the same thing all night. “I told you mom, we go to school together, he’s in my house, nothing more.” “Well why have I never heard you mention him before?” Her mom was looking at her skeptically, as if judging her reaction. “We don't get on very well” Lily murmured, not wanting to get into the politics and social structures involved in her inability to be friends with the older Black. Plus the fact she hated him. Her mom nodded, seemingly unconvinced before nursing her own cup of tea with a packet of sugar. “I think he lives in London,” Lily stated despite herself, “he shouldn’t even be here.” “Maybe he’s visiting family,'' her mother suggested. Lily shrugged, she highly doubted anyone in “the most ancient and noble house of Black” would even step foot in a place as muggle-ridden as Cokeworth England, let alone set up a permanent residence. No, something was definitely wrong, she needed to contact Potter, or maybe Lupin. He certainly was the best option of all of Sirius' friends.  
She wouldn’t dare leave the premises until Sirius woke up. she assumed that they wouldn’t even let her in the room yet. Sirius was going to wake up, cause a scene, and probably get himself chucked into a mental ward for his insistence of the existence of magic. She grimaced at the thought in her mind, how would she ever be able to explain to his parents why the muggles had him locked up. They were probably worried sick about him as is. She and her mum continued to wait impatiently until at last, a doctor emerged with a bright blue smock from the room Sirius had been staying. His eyes scanned the waiting room, until he finally found the two who had come in with the young boy. Lily was on her feet instantly, followed closely by her mum. “Mrs. Evans?” He asked as the two approached. 

Margret Evans nodded. “Is he awake?” Lily cut in, reviving a scowl from her mum. The doctor's face twisted, though from pain or discomfort Lily couldn’t tell, “no, we kept him under anesthesia as we tended to his outward injuries so as to not frighten him, he should be waking up in a few minutes. That’s not the issue though.” Lily and her mum both stared at him expectantly, eyes wide. He cleared his throat and continued, “you two are not his biological family?” He questioned instead of getting elaborating. “No, I haven’t met the boy before today, but my daughter goes to boarding school with him, they’re friends.” Lily wanted to object to being called a friend of Black’s, but figured there were more pressing issues. “Was he visiting with your family?” “No we just found him while we were going for a walk” “and you have no idea how he got here?” Both Lily and her mother shook their heads. “Alright, well Lily?” He checked his chart, “why don’t you go inside and wait for the round man, I’ll just catch up with your mother.” The doctor was just as awkward in his speech as Lily felt, though she wasn’t sure why. He seemed to be hiding something about Sirius, but her mum made eye contact with her, letting her know to listen to the doctor, and she hastily made her exit towards Sirius room.  
She was immediately struck by the resemblance to the last time she had been in this very hospital. This room had the same pale blue curtains, IV pole in the corner, and the bright white side table, completely bare as always. It even had the same red lines drawn across the floor, letting every person know, as soon as they walked in, that this person was a priority, and Lily didn’t even need to be a doctor to know why Sirius was a priority. Had it not been for his staple of long dark hair, that made every girl at Hogwarts fall over themselves for him, she may not have recognized him. His left eye was swollen shut and blackened, and his face was disfigured by so many cuts and inscions it must have taken the doctors hours to complete the stitching. She couldn’t see anything below his neck, but if the rest of his body was as purple and blue as his face, he must have been in a lot of pain, or would be once he woke up. Her mind flashes back to how she found him, the excessive blood coming from his arm and leg, and winced in sympathy, wondering what the doctors must have done to fix those cuts, or whatever was making him bleed so much. She even felt a little guilty, for not taking him to a wizard hospital, but she hadn't brought her wand, and she didn’t even know how to get a hold of St. Mungo’s. Obviously they didn't have a phone number, and making an emergency floor while out and about didn’t seem like the most effective form of crisis control.  
Had he been taken there though, they probably could have fixed him up in a matter of minutes, and freed him from his pain, but she imagined his parents would just take him there once he was returned to them. She took a seat in the plastic chair next to Sirius’s bed and waited for him to wake, though maybe it would be better to just keep him sedated until he returned back to the wizarding world. Purebloods didn't tend to do well in the muggle world, her friend Dorcas was from a low level pureblood family, and she could hardly navigate the streets of muggle London without the explicit help of Lily. She didn't even want to ponder what trouble someone like Sirius could get into left alone. She’d heard rumours that families like the Blacks didn’t even let their kids out of the house besides going to Hogwarts, the rumours seemed untreu, but there's always some truth beneath lies Lily had learned.  
Yet sleeping Sirius was much better than awake Sirius she concluded, for way more reasons than his upbringing. For starters, she was not very fond of the boy. Granted, she didn’t hate him as much as Potter, but he was almost as bad. He had a certain arrogance about him that didn’t come from his sense of purpose like Potter, despite bashing his pureblood status as much as possible, he still seemed to hold onto some sort of prestige from the name. He did what he wanted when he wanted, he seemed untouchable by teachers, as if they were afraid to punish him, and he was almost top of the class, despite Lily not having seen him take a note in his entire life. Not only that, his pranks were obnoxious, he was loud and arrogant, and seemingly took up so much space, despite being on the shorter side. He simply exhibited a hugeness about him ,the same way certain celebrities did in the muggle world. During late night prefect duties, Remus had defended him once or twice, and maybe, just maybe he could be bearable, if he didn't use each and everyone of their interactions to flirt with her on Potters behalf. She had brought this issue to Remus before and he had just shrugged, “I mean, Potter isn't that bad either...” he mused, smirking sheepishly under her glare. Luckily for her, he never brought it up again.  
She realized she was staring at Sirius with a scowl on her face, and figured it best not be found like that by her mum, she seemed to already think there was something going on between the two, it made Lily want to gag. So instead, she stood up and started pacing, trying to distract her mind. Exercise really could do wonders she was learning It puzzled her that Hogwarts didn’t have a gym, with 5-star chefs who seems to cater to your every demand, it was a miracle students could stand at all, perhaps next- “What” came a muffled voice cutting off Lily’s train of thought, and she immediately turned to look at the bed. Sirius' good eye had now opened, and he was looking around, growing more frantic by the second. “Am I... am I dead?” he wondered aloud, and Lily laughed despite herself. Sirius’ eye shot on her position, clearly just realizing someone else was in the room. His face seemed to contort in confusion, though it was hard to tell with all the bruises, “Evans? By Merlin it must be hell” he groaned, even half conscious he was still making jokes. “Oh shut the fuck up.” Sirius' expression remained neutral, “All right Evans doesn't swear, I must be dreaming or dead,” he muttered inconsistently, “either way won’t matter if I go back to bed.” “No-” Lily tried but he had already closed his eyes, and his breathing had settled, returning to a comfortable tempo.  
Lily cursed the boy silently, he could never make things easy could he? Besides, she swore, he just never had the chance to see it. Many people seemed to have that misconception about her, she wasn’t all books, and grades, and studying, she liked to have fun. Not that she really cared what Black thought, but still. After five minutes he woke again, this time he seemed more conscious. “Wait Evans? Where am I?” He sounded almost panicked. “Shush,” she told him harshly, “You in a muggle hospital.” He seemed to grow even more frantic, and he pulled his left arm from under the blanket, and stared at his elbow horrified. “Evans why the fuck is there somthign sticking out of my arm?” Lily suppressed a smile, she knew Sirius was in bad shape, but his inability to understand anything muggle amused her. “It’s an IV, idiot, it pumps water into your body when you can’t drink.” He raised an eyebrow at her, and she shrugged, medicine was never her forte. Now Sirius really started looking around the room, though he only had one good eye, he managed to take in the surroundings.  
“Where am I exactly, like, geography wise?” he suddenly asked. “Cokeworth, England,” she replied, when he still looked confused she added, “It’s about a 4 hour train ride from London.” he relaxed at this, “Muggle town right?” “The muggliest.” “Good.” He sighed. A beat of silence, then, “Hey Evans, if this is supposed to make me feel better why does everything hurt,?” Lily shrugged, “I was sort of going to ask you that question? Also, why the fuck are you here?” Sirius shifted uncomfortably, “I- erm, fell off my broom.” “You fell off your broom?” Lily dead panned. “Yup, I was pretty high up, that’s why I got the, um, cuts.” he offered her a half smile to which she shook her head laughing, “You're obviously lying.” “Evans I am offended, you don‘t trust me? I thought our friendship was stronger than this.” “Friendship is a lousy word to describe our relationship” Lily muttered rolling her eyes, still without a clear answer from Sirius. “Sorry to disappoint Evans, but I don’t think we’re quite at the romantic level yet,” he batted his eyelashes, or at least attempted to. She resisted the urge to slap him, he didn’t need any more bruises. “Whatever, I’ll just owl your parents once I get home and hopefully they can apparate here quickly. They can take you to a magic hospital or something.” Sirius' whole demeanor changed instantly. He lost all of the cokciness he managed to regain while confined to a hospital bed, and replaced it with something Lily hadn't thought she’d even seen on his face before, fear. His eyes widened and his mouth quivered, “That um, that won't be necessary.” Lily eyed him, she’d never seen him like this, “what, are you just going to fly back to London on your imaginary broom? I doubt you can even walk.” “I-’ he stammered, “It’s fine I’ll figure something out” Lily eyed him warily, “Look I know where you come from, if your parents don’t want someone, er, someone like me sending them an owl I can just send it to Potter or someone.” “No” Sirius said far too fast, “No not that, just... no'' Lily stared at him incredulously, eyebrow raised, “Sorry” he muttered, “just don’t tell anyone where I am, I’ll… I'll figure it out.” Lily stared at Sirius “I have to let your parents know somehow” “No you absolutely do not,” came a voice from out of the hall, she whipped around to realize it was her mother, followed closely by the doctor. “What?” Lily said, full of shock. “No, we don’t need to tell his parents just yet,” she affirmed, “poor boy has a minor concussion, the trip all the way to London would be too taxing for him.” Lily stared at her mum, not believing what she was saying. “Mum-” she attempted, but the look on her mum's face forced her to fall silent, “Sirius will be coming home with us” the finality in her voice was almost scary. She shot a glance at Sirius, his eyes were darting around, confusion in his features. He probably didn’t understand a single thing going on, then again, neither did Lily. “That’s not nes-” but her mom cut Sirius off too, “save it, at least for tonight, you’ll be staying with us, I won’t hear another word on the matter.” Now Lily and Sirius were both staring at Margret, but either she didn’t notice or she didn't care.  
They moved on, and the doctor explained to Sirius he should avoid television for the next few days, as well as strenuous exercise or things that would force his head to move suddenly. He did not seem to grasp the concept one bit. He then explained how to care for stitches, and that he may be quite sore for the next few days. To finish it all off, he removed the IV from Sirius’ arm, which seemed to intrigue him more so then hurt, and the doctor at long last discharged him, waving goodbye as he stepped onto the elevator. The ride was silent. No eye contact was made by either party. The situation was growing weirder and weirder as time went on.  
Once they finally stepped through the revolving glass doors, and into the brisk, late night July breeze, her mother finally spoke. “The car is just over there,” she pointed over to the corner of the lot, letting Sirius follow her gaze. Sirius nodded, though he seemed terrified of such muggle transportation, and three of them trekked over to the blue volkswagen. Lily and Sirius slid into the back, as her mum got in behind the wheel. It seemed like a lifetime ago, they had stumbled into the car after running home from the park, determined to follow the ambulance all the way into the building. Sirius and her eyes met, even without the bruises and cuts he wouldn't have looked like himself, he was tucked in a ball on the seat, knees pressed against his chest, small compared to the large bench. He looked uncertain of himself, and if there was one thing Sirius Black was not, it was uncertain. “I’m sorry.” he mouthed, before letting his head fall on top of his knees, all fight seemed to escape him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius meets Lily’s family.

Sirius woke up, and was startled by the sun streaming into his eyes. Sun never reached his bedroom, he sat up, but was immediately greeted with pain in every inch of his body, as well as his memories of last night. He groaned, looking down at where he lay on the couch, a quilted blanket was thrown loosely over top of him. He still had on his leather jacket and jeans, Lily and her mum didn’t have any clothes for him last night, but he had not minded, he had slept more comfortably here than he had all summer. The brave face he had put on, when he realized Lily was with him, took too much of him, he was too tired to keep it going. The dumb lie he’d pulled about the broom, he knew no one would ever believe that, but it was better than the truth. He hadn’t wanted to impose, but he had no energy to fight Lily’s mom, he understood now where she got her fire from, Mrs. Evans was a force to be reckoned with.

The whole world seemed to be pushing on him now though, the painkillers, (from what Sirius could tell were some sort of potion that made you hurt less) had seemingly worn off from the previous night. His delusions and fantasies, separating him for the real world had vanished, and he was now left with the vicarious feeling of nothingness. He had run away, he was alone, his face was probably already burned off the family tapestry, the scorch marks still fresh and cindering. It all hit him like a bludger to the head. He had finally done what he knew was inevitable. Since he was thirteen he knew he was never going to age out of that family, he was just waiting for the final straw. When his parents would get too sick of his antics and do it themselves. Maybe Regulus would have decide to come with him, when he could finally save up enough galleons and flee. But none of those had happened, he had left, with no possessions but his wand. He was injured and bleeding, while Regulus still believed that everything his parents did was for the best. He was probably wallowing away in his room, wishing Sirius had stayed for more punishment. He had finally lost all hope for his brother. Sirius was now exhausted, though he had just woken up. Judging from the sun in the sky, it was probably 5 in the morning. Always having been a light sleeper, the very touch of daylight would have him up and about in the morning, it’s why he made sure the curtains were always drawn at Hogwarts, even though James liked a little breeze at night. James, fuck, he didn’t even have time to unapck that, as the weight of everything had now settled. 

He hoped Lily hadn't tried to contact James last night, it would do no good anyway. Sirius truly did not want Lily to hear what he had done before he could leave her house. She was friends with Remus too after all, and she already hated Sirius’s guts, the thoughts of what she could do to his already injured body did not sit well in the moment. He suddenly felt dizzy and short of breath. She cannot find out, said the voice in his head. Suddenly, He heard a creak from the staircase located in the corner of the living room. He hadn’t had time to look around the house before, it had all been cast in darkness, and he had immediately fallen asleep on the couch, he hadn't even had the chance to thank the Evans for their hospitality; he had been too exhausted. But now he saw the whole of it. A kitchen attached to a spacious living room, filled with strangely still photos, not a single live one in sight. The creak of the stairs continued, and at long last, one Lily Evans was standing in front of him, wearing a purple nightgown. 

“Sirius?” she exclaimed once she saw that he was awake, he made a little wave as she made her way over, sitting next to him on the couch. “Couldn’t sleep huh?” “Actually I just woke up” She raised an eyebrow at this, “It’s only been an hour,” “Um, light sleeper I guess” Sirius replied, she nodded. Something about her seems less harsh now. At the hospital she had seemed determined and forceful, but now, she seems almost like she pitied Sirius, it made his blood boil. “Well, I haven’t even gotten to bed yet,” it seemed like she was trying for a light conversation, so Sirius let out a small chuckle. “Sorry to bother you then.” “no, I was just getting a glass of water, I always like to have one beside my bed.” “Ah” The silence continued. Lily fidgeted on the couch, finally putting her hands under her legs to stop cracking her knuckles. She smiled apologetically at Sirius, but the silence droned on. It was becoming unbearable for Sirius, just 20 seconds and he was losing his mind. He prefered things to be spoken, rather than inferred. The unknown aggravated him more than he would ever be able to explain. “Did you, um, did you owl James?” he asked, already scared of the answer. All it would do is make James realize Sirius was more of a screw up than he already thought. And then he would have to explain to Lily the curt, probably hostile replay Jame would send in response. I’m done with you Sirius Black, James had said quietly, not even daring to yell, I should have listened to my Mom when she warned me never to be friends with a black. 

“No, I haven’t gotten around to it, but he’ll come pick you up right? Remus said you’ve spent a holiday or two over there.” “Um, they’re in Egypt.” Sirius lied, wanting to get her off his back without the full explanation. “Oh” Lily thought, “Well I can still let him know you're here.” The sweetness in her voice made Sirius feel bad for lying. But he'd been doing that his whole life, nothing ever came of it. “I don’t want to worry him,” Sirius tried for his most proper voice, the one he’d used to trick an un-trickable family for years, “Ruin his vacation and what not.” Lily nodded, thoughtful, “I suppose Remus could get you, I mean, I don’t think his house will be as nice as…” “No not Remus!” Sirius blurted, to the unnerving eyebrow of Lily he continued, “He's busy.” God why was he so horrible at lying this morning. Excuses normally came naturally to him. Always have a reason for being somewhere, that way you can’t get caught. “Alright what gives Sirius? Why can’t I call any of your friends?” Lily sighed, looking suddenly exhausted. Sirius felt a stab of guilt. “Lily I’m sorry, I’m sorry for all of this.” Her green eyes filled with a type of warmth Sirius had never seen in her before, her smile crinkled her cheeks, “No Sirius I’m sorry.” “For what?” “For everything too.” The silence stretched, and the morning sun rose on. 

—

One sound Lily thought she would never have to wake up to was the sound of Sirius Black kissing up to her grandmother. It was an odd scene when she walked down the stairs in the morning. After her early conversation with Sirius, she had let him be, hoping he would fall back asleep. Apparently, that was not the case. The laughs bellowing from the kitchen woke her barely conscious body. Three hours of sleep was not cutting it, so she almost thought she imagined the scene entirely. It was the boisterous, rowdy, bully of a child, Sirius black, clearing her grandmother's plate, as she used a napkin to wipe tears from her eyes. Lily’s own mother was giggling as well, barely keeping her head off the table in her fits. God, what had SIrius done? She walked over and joined him by the sink. “What the hell are you doing?” she muttered through a fake smile and gritted teeth. He kept his own smile perfectly in place, but he mumbled back, “I have no idea what ‘tennis’ is, and I don’t think they realize I’m not joking.” Lily’s eyes went wide, “You haven’t told my granny about magic have you?” All her grandmother knew about her school was it was a posh boarding school in Scotland, and that she earned a scholarship for her academics. Going into the real details might have caused her granny a heart attack, the existence of magic was shocking for anyone. “What? No, I just assumed neither of them knew.” “What, cause all muggles are idiots? What do you think my mother did when dumbledore showed up at my door in a pointed hat? Assume he wanted to talk about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?” She scoffed. Sirius’ demeanor fell for a second, “Jesus Chris?” “Oh forget it” Lily mumbled, “Just finish the plate. Lily had noticed the adults’ skeptical looks, and slowly made her way into the kitchen, stopping to kiss her mum and her grandmother on the way down.

“Lily you just missed the funniest thing” her mother cawed, taking a sip of her tea, “Your friend was just telling us how he’s never listened to ABBA, surely he’s kidding.” Lily bit her tongue, as far as her mom was concerned, every wizard was exactly like her, raised in the muggle world adopted into magic. Sirius' very presence here was about to throw a wrench in her perfectly constructed lies. God why was he so annoying? “I don’t know mom, not everyone likes that type of music.” Lily’s grandmother tutted, “A shame, you’ll have to play him some records while he’s here.” “Record a what?” Sirius questioned, returning to the room in a most Sirius like fashion. He bent down to kiss Lily on the cheek, a morning greeting as if they hadn’t already chatted in the kitchen, then slid into the chair beside her. She threw him a silent look of disgust as he maneuvered himself onto the chair, just perfectly so it was obvious he had never sat straight in his life. He tilted it so far back, with his head rested precariously on his knee, Lily was sure he would fall. He flashed a smile full of teeth, and didn’t even have the decency to quiver under Lily’s glare, it was infuriating.

“ABBA” her grandmother cooed, “I still don’t believe you when you say you’ve never heard them.” Sirius shrugged, “What can I say, I’m a man of mystery.” “That you are” his mother agreed, “Are you sure you're full dear? I’m about to make some more eggs for our Lils?” “No mom, that’s fine.” Lily argued. “Sweety are you sure? It’s no trouble” “I’m fine” Lily assured her, “Really.” “Well Sirius dear my offer still stands?” Lily’s mum was acting so normal, as if Sirius eating breakfast in torn robes and a gnarled face full of blood was normal, as if she hadn't had a certain conversation with Lily last night the moment they had gotten him. 

“What do you mean his parents did this?” Lily had demand, almost hysterically. Lily was sure Sirius was lying about his reasons for being in Cokeworth, but there was no way his parents could have done this to him. It was much more likely this was a prank gone wrong, perhaps even a prank on Lily herself. “It’s not just about that sweetie,” her mom was saying, “the doctor found lingering signs; internal wounds that haven’t been healed, broken bones, malnutrition.” “I-'' Lily had no answer. She couldn't believe what she was hearing, but the excuse that this was improbable was beyond her mother's comprehension. She couldn't say he was a pureblood, that his parents could magically heal him. She couldn’t explain that he was one of the richest families in The wizarding world, that malnutrition was next to impossible. “But I’m at hogwarts with him all year, he’s definitely eating.” She said it with scorn in her voice, remembering last thanksgiving when he bet James that he could eat an entire Turkey. “Maybe it’s from when he was younger?” her mum suggested, obviously she didn’t have any of the answers either. Lily just sighed, something about Black’s visit just wasn't adding up.

The mix of her natural dislike of the older Black, mixed with her feelings from that conversation, and her reaction to him vary from moment to moment. It was a blend of wanting to stick her fork in his eyes everytime he moved, and wanting to give him a warm hug, followed by a long conversation about his family. It was a truly endearing state to be confined to.  
“No Mrs. Evans I ate way too much of your scrumptious bacon, I doubt I could eat another thing all day.” Lily’s mum beamed, “How many times do I have to ask you to call me Margaret?” “Ah a woman should never let those beneath her treat her as less, that’s one of the first things I was ever taught” He said it so smoothly, like it was a complement to Lily’s mom, but as he kept his goody toe shoes smile Lily was still not used to seeing, she could see the strain in her mom's eyes. Her mouth twitched at the corners, as if the muscle forcing her smile was malfunctioning. Sirius for his part didn’t seem to notice, he just switched which leg he had propped up on the chair, and rested his purple face on the other side, looking directly at Lily now.

“Well I think you two should go out today” Lily’s grandmother finally said breaking the tension. “Oh that would be a lovely idea” Margret clapped, “There’s some lovely spots around Cokeworth, maybe you can take him to the ice cream shop?” Lily swallowed, there was a reason she hadn't left her room in days, and it didn’t all disappear because Sirius showed up. “mum there really isn’t anything interesting here.” It was a weak attempt that her mom saw right through, but it was worth a shot. “Nonsense sweety, I remember how much fun you used to have around here, running around as a little girl, even last year you spent the whole day hiking in the forest and it was the most happy I’ve ever seen you.” Yeah that's the problem, Lily thought, the memories keep haunting me.

“Well maybe hiking isn’t the best idea in Sirius’s condition” she tried again, trying to make despret eye contact with her mother, begging her not to make her do this. A day in Cokeworth alone with was bad enough, torture, but with Sirius by her side, with his constant nagging and questions, she wasn’t sure she could bare it. “That is true'' her mother sighed, putting down the plate she was about to take over to the sink, but just as Lily had thought she’d succeeded her grandmother jumped in, “Why don’t you two take the train down to Elmdale, hit a few of the stores, maybe grab lunch, and then be back for dinner?” Sirius seemed to perk up like a lost puppy at that idea, having been stoic through her conversation with Lily’s mother, “There’s a train?” the two adults laughed, though Lily knew he was being genuine. She thought back to a conversation she’d had with Remus months ago. He had been complaining about Sirius' strange obsession with the Hogwarts express. “And everytime it drives by he starts jumping like a four year old, it’s as if he’s never seen anything like it before in his life. It’s like he’s finally been released from a cell.” Lily had laughed then, imagining a 15 year old Sirius black dancing like her younger cousins, but she wasn’t laughing anymore. And as she looked at his broken figure, full of stitches and gashes and god knows what else, she felt something change in her heart. Because the Sirius Black she thought she knew, didn’t fall out of the sky into Cokeworth, he didn’t charm her parents, and he most certainly didn’t shy away from her contacting his best mates. Maybe, just maybe she didn’t know Sirius Black at all. “Yes Sirius” she laughed, “There’s a train.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have this head cannon that Sirius has always been obsessed with the Hogwarts express so...


End file.
